Wednesday, April 23, 2014



    Happy Birthday! Please don't catch on fire.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Shakespeare at Large


If Hamlet worked for the Department of Public Works.....




Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Magic Shake-Ball


Dear Magic Shake-Ball:

My dog tried to eat this. Is he a genius or a moron?


Answer:

"Men prize the thing ungain'd more than it is." (Troilus and Cressida 1.2.199)

Interpretation:

Wow. That's deep. I think this is your way of telling me that a genius dog may seem like something I'd want, but that--really--it's easier if he's just kind of a ding-dong.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Homebaked Shakespeare



Valentine's Cards from the Archives


Hamlet to Ophelia

To be or not to be my Valentine?

That's the question, isn't it?
Isn't it?
I'm talking to you, you slippery wench!

You know what? Forget it.


Henry VIII to Catherine Howard

Divorced, beheaded, died
Divorced, beloved!

(Fifth time's the charm, baby!)



Ophelia to Hamlet

Sorry this Valentine is so late....

So am I.

JK! LOL!



Titania to Bottom

Happy Valentine's Day to my favorite piece of ass!


Romeo to the Flavor of the Week

Dear Phoebe Mistress Quickly Rosaline    JULIET:

Did I ever loveth before now?
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
You are the brightest star in the firmament,
the jewel in my — SQUIRREL!


Thursday, February 13, 2014

Shakespeare At Large

For all of you 23andme fans out there, here's a chance to find out if you're related to the most heinously vilified King in English history (so much cooler than being related to one of those Mayflower dudes....)

Scientists are going to sequence the genome of Richard III's remains that were found under a parking lot last year. Fun, fun, fun!! I bet he's related to Kevin Bacon.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/11/world/europe/richard-iii-genome-sequence/

Friday, December 6, 2013

Homebaked Shakespeare


Dear Mr. Moyer:

Thank you for your cold-blooded portrayal of Captain von Trapp in last night’s live broadcast of “The Sound of Music.”  I always suspected that the Captain was a vampire, which would explain a lot: like why he gets off on boning nuns, but hates picnics in the Alpine sunshine with his children. Think about it. As one who knows a thing or two about living forever, I can
recognize the signs of immortality.

I have recently completed a vampire version of the musical entitled “The Hills are Undead,” and am actively seeking investors who would like to be a part of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I immediately thought of you. 

Imagine, if you will, the exquisitely prolonged sexual tension of Leisl’s “I am Sixteen going on Sixteen”; or the horrifying scene in which Maria stumbles on the corpse of an eyeless goatherd and discovers the truth behind little Brigitta’s “sore finger.”

I am including one of my original re-writes here for your consideration. It is sung by Captain von Trapp in the gazebo after Maria leaves him for a werewolf.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours,
William S.

My Favorite Things

Blood-drops on bed sheets and babies in baskets;
Upside-down crosses and bright copper caskets;
Sunsets and Nazis all tied up with string—
These are a few of my favorite things!

Cream-colored shoulders and crispy aortas;
Halloween kiddies who trip on my gourd-ahs;
Basements and bats with the moon on their wings—
These are a few of my favorite things!

Girls in white dresses with big bleeding gashes;
Plasma that sticks to my nose and eyelashes;
Living forever but never aging—
These are a few of my favorite things!

When the stake pounds,
When the priest hounds,
When I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad!

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Shakespeare at Large

Mandela, Shakespeare, Goosebumps

Incredible piece on Julius Caesar: Shakespeare’s African Play, including details about Nelson Mandela's embrace of Shakespeare while in prison. Here's the passage he marked:






Cowards die many times before their deaths:


The valiant never taste of death but once.

Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,

It seems to me most strange that men

Should fear…
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.